Healthcare: It's Personal

In the past 12 weeks, at one time or another, my dad, my husband, my aunt and my mom have been in the hospital. It has included 4 emergency room trips, 2 ambulance rides, 3 hospitals and countless hours.

This is my rant, my request for prayers, and my reminder to be grateful.

It is always frightening, anxiety-producing, and overwhelming to have someone you love in a life-threatening situation. Trust me – being a nurse does not make that any easier. I know enough to be terrified, but not enough to be helpful in most situations. I typically do not tell the healthcare professionals that I am a nurse – until either it is in the best interest of my loved ones, or if I am being treated patronizingly, then I will tell them.

My dad has been the most frequent inpatient – surgery, complications, a fall, more complications and a stay in rehab to regain strength from all the hospitalizations! He is 83, and as amazing as he has always been. His strength and determination are an inspiration to me – always, but especially now.

My husband ended up in the hospital for the third time in a year. “Ugh,” is all I can say. We are too young to be going through the things he has endured for the past year. I always hope that his health will stabilize, but there are no guarantees. New treatment options are in the very near future - exciting, and scary!

In the midst of my dad’s stint in rehab, my mother calls to tell me she has called the ambulance – she is having chest pains. I have to admit, I figured it was anxiety and stress. She has been through so much lately. But, I was wrong. She had a heart attack – the “widow maker” – her LAD nearly totally occluded. She was lucky – one stent – and she is feeling pretty good. Obviously, she started off exhausted, so it will take some time for her to recover. But, I am amazed at what can be done with minimal invasion and a short recovery time.

I have seen excellent care; I have seen awful care, and individuals I wanted to choke. As in any profession there are good people and there are those who just want to get by; those who are doing work that is meaningful and fulfilling to them, and those who just want a paycheck. It is too bad that people ended up doing work that they don’t like. It usually shows.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways – I have given the same information to a dozen people. The need for universal electronic medical records is one thing that jumps out for me – the emergency room and the cardiac care unit can’t even communicate with each other, so too much time is wasted asking the same questions again and again. Medications are changed due to the formulary each institution carries; referrals are not made; communication between the hospital and the primary care provider is incomplete; and, too often, there is not enough staff and response time can be long. It is frustrating and scary.

I don’t have any magic idea to fix things. But, I have a new appreciation of how hard it is to be the family of someone who is hospitalized. Some things would be easy to address: tell the family where they can get water, food, a restroom, and answers. Look at people when you talk to them – not at the computer or the paper in your hand. Answer questions in a manner that is understandable. Tell us the options – not just what you want us to do.

I also have a new appreciation for my family. Growing older is a bitch. It is not easy, it is not without issues and it is not the “golden years.” It is hard. I cannot imagine how people do it by themselves. I am exhausted and overwhelmed – and I have a brother, a sister, a husband, a son, a daughter who are all involved in the care of the various family members. I have the support of family and friends, and I am still overwhelmed and exhausted.

My cousin is dealing with the parallel issues with her parents; I can’t imagine how I could do this without her support, encouragement and presence in my life. We walk, whine, drink wine, laugh, talk and support one another on this journey.

So, this is my opportunity to say thank you to all the family and friends who have made this part of my journey easier – the kind words, the prayers, the time listening to my story, the glasses of wine and all the help. Thank you. I am so grateful to each and every one of you.